As I find myself approaching the big 40-10 (which sounds much more agreeable than 50), I’m filled with deeply conflicted feelings about certain things in my life, but I’ve also just enjoyed the best year of my entire life. Ever. Seriously.
I’ve always felt that the older I get, the more I enjoy life. Never has that been more true than the last year. At the over-the-hill age of 49, I finally started living for myself, not others’ expectations. And that’s the philosophy that’s made my life so wonderful in this last year: no expectations. I’m finally comfortable in my own skin and I’ve developed relationships in my life that fulfill me beyond any expectations.
That’s why it’s so puzzling that the number 50 is freaking me out so badly. I’ve never hit a milestone birthday in my life that’s troubled me. Not 30, not 40, nothing. In fact, over the last several years if you asked me my age, I’d have to stop and think about it. Age was never something that impacted my life.
So why does the number 50 bother me?
Image via stoners.com
Damned if I know. All I do know is that I don’t want to acknowledge this birthday in any way, shape or form. Therefore, I have decided to leave the country to decrease the instances of having to gracefully accept birthday wishes from well-intentioned friends. Grace is not one of my strongest suits and I don’t want to sound like a nasty bitch. While great, the last 12 months haven’t been completely annoyance-free. I’ve had some practice whipping out my nasty bitch self. And I often feel as if I’m 49-going-on-15 as I frequently spout the immature, “DUH” (mostly when interacting with certain men, but not to their faces.)
My destination of denial is an island in the Caribbean. Yeah, I know it’s not the ideal season for the destination (hurricanes) – but you wouldn’t believe the great prices!
I plan to enjoy a beautiful beach, ponder life, read several novels, listen to music, enjoy spa treatments and consume rum beverages (not necessarily in that order) over the span of several days on either side of the actual date of the dreaded milestone.
I hope to gain some clarity on certain aspects of my life and, most of all, to disconnect. I haven’t done something like this in…well…ever. But one philosophy I won’t rethink is “No Expectations.” I strongly encourage this for everyone. Live for yourself, make yourself happy, and I believe it helps everything else fall into place.
Betty’s got her groove back! Have a safe and FABULOUS trip, and happy birthday.
There. I said it. And I’m not sorry. Duh.
Thanks, Hipster. It didn’t feel quite so painful to read, but I think that’s because it’s not yet the actual day. Maybe that’s the key.
“Live for yourself, make yourself happy, and I believe it helps everything else fall into place.” – wise words.
Enjoy your trip!
Thanks. I. Can’t. Wait.
I hope you have a wonderful trip! And if you want some company, I’d be happy to come along with you.
The more, the merrier!
I will be in the same boat in three months, and rum drinks are part of my plan too.
The live for yourself change is big. I’m proud of you.
Enjoy your trip and remember, in the Caribbean, rum is cheaper than coke. Mix accordingly.
Thanks, Omawarisan. You are one of the few men “of a certain age” who hasn’t made me want to say, “DUH!”
Stopped having birthdays when I was nineteen. People still think i’m a kid because of my fathers ‘baby face’ This becomes a real problem when ordering drinks. My Id has gotten some questioning looks. Enjoy the
carribbean by the way. I coulden’t relax. I’d be constantly feeling
the need to swim and boogyboard the tar out of every beach I crossed.
Just got back from Destin florida – chased pompano fish up and down
the sand bar till I was spent, felt the sand drop out from under me, it
was the first time I’de been over my head in wild water, but it didden’t
scare me. It felt like real danger, though I probably wasen’t in much.
Just started expermenting with rollercoasters too. I’m braver now then
when I was younger. Someone on UER (one of my favorite websights.)
has a saying posted – If you are not selfish enough to make yourself
happy, then you have nothing of value to offer the world.
Rollercoasters!? You are, indeed, very brave. I stopped being able to do that before I hit my 20s!
My 50th birthday was the only one that bothered me. Wise choice to spend it in another country – I wish I had done that! Instead, I received the obligatory black balloons and look who’s turning 50 signs in my office that day. I should have just stayed in bed.
Hope your 50th was/is on a sunny beach with tropical fruity adult beverages and a cabana boy to rub suntan lotion on your back!
That was my fear exactly – the black balloons and 50 signage. I did, however, mention to my wonderful poolside waitress that I was down there to escape and celebrate in peace and on the actual day of my birthday she brought me a beautiful plate of cake decorated with the words Happy Birthday and that did not bother me (I guess because it was low key and none of that 50 blather.)
I’m glad I found your blog. I will take in your words to live life for myself. Thank you
-Chris
Thank you for visiting the Bubble! I truly appreciate it. Cheers!
I am so glad I found your blog today. You provided the giggles to share with my morning cuppa tea.
Enjoy your birthday…I do believe you will have a grand time.
You made my day with your kind words! Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment.
Are you back yet? How was your trip?
I am back! It was amazing. Everything I hoped it would be (except for getting stranded in Miami overnight on the way down.)