Before I started to write this post, I thought I should google the word “repulsor” to see what references might come up. Apparently there is a Repulsor associated with Iron Man’s armor and it might possibly be something cool, if you’re into the Iron Man-type thing. I wondered if I should change the name of today’s target but since I’ve referred to him as such for several years now, it won’t be the same if I rename him. I just want to make it clear that there is nothing remotely cool about the cretin who is the subject of this post.
It's not about this Repulsor
I moved to the bubble nearly ten years ago. About a year after I moved in, my beloved mini-dachshund joined the household. By virtue of walking her, I met dozens of other dogs and their owners in the community. Initially I kept one such dog and owner at a distance. The fierce looking Rottweiler intimidated me and, at the time, my dog weighed only three pounds.
Eventually Joel (the human) asked why I wouldn’t bring my dog over to say hello to Milo (the Rotti). He explained that Milo was actually quite fond of small dogs, but a bit of a chicken when it came to large dogs. Another lesson in, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Phoebe approached Milo and eventually their relationship developed to the point where Phoebe would roll onto her back when Milo approached and he would proceed to, ahem, lick her. Joel and I would chuckle with embarrassment when cars would go by and suddenly slow to check out the soft-core doggie porn.
After a short time, Joel and I discovered a common background and other mutual interests. Always purely friends, I would have been interested in more but I guess I just wasn’t his type. No big deal. I’m not the psycho-stalker type and I’m happy with the friendship. Through my contact and friendly relationship with Joel, inevitably I met his long time roommate, Repulsor (I didn’t think of him in those terms for the first couple of years I knew him. And I’m going to give you a visual right now. Picture the lead singer from the band Loverboy as he looked on one of those “list” specials on VH1 a few years ago) and I’m serious about the headband, he used to wear that as he’d power walk around the complex:
While Phoebe and I would be visiting Joel and Milo, Repulsor would lurk in the kitchen, inserting himself into the conversation, but keeping himself separate while he would simultaneously do shots of vodka, drink beer and smoke cigarettes. The disturbing thing is, it didn’t matter if it was 3pm on a Tuesday, 7pm on a Friday, or 10am on a Sunday….he’d stand in the kitchen shooting vodka, beer and marlboro lights.
Oftentimes, I’d be out walking my dog and Repulsor would arrive home (the building housing Joel and Repulsor is about 50 feet from my condo’s building.) He’d invite me in for a beer and, with my semi-interest in Joel, I’d accept with ulterior motives. Although I hate this expression, what fits now is, “My bad!” I should have known better. Repulsor interpreted my interest to be in him, not an opportunity to visit Joel.
As a relationship-impaired person, I also cluelessly buried myself once when wishing only to reciprocate Repulsor’s invitations to his and Joel’s place for a beer, I invited him to my place for a drink. And here’s where he earned the name, “Repulsor.” First off, it was a Sunday evening, maybe 7pm. I was feeling what most people feel and do on a Sunday night: wearing sweats, zero makeup and, in fact, at the time I was wearing invisalign (this will be relevant in the next paragraph or two). To look halfway decent, I really need to pump up the clothes and makeup. So when I’m not trying, you’d have to be pretty desperate to hit this.
Apparently, Repulsor was.
Not long after we entered my home and I poured us both drinks (he opted for straight vodka), we settled on the sofa and started a DVD that I had borrowed from Joel, Paul McCartney in Moscow (probably not the exact title.) As I sit with my dog on my lap and Repulsor two or three feet away from me on the sofa, he suddenly leans over, grabs me, and plants one on.
First of all, Phoebe’s about to rip out his throat. I’m repulsed not only by him, but by the fact that he doesn’t even seem to register that I have the Invisalign device on my lower teeth. I push him off. (And want to turn my head and vomit.) Because I was giving much resistance (“Get OFF me,” “Are you out of your mind,” “Leave me alone!”), if I had a gun, I suspect I could have been justified. Especially since he then said to me, and I’m still in shock nearly four years later so I wouldn’t dare to try and attribute a direct quote but, something along the lines of, “Hey it doesn’t matter to guys what a girl looks like if she’s giving him a blow job, why can’t you just let me have at it and you can pretend I’m someone else?”
HO-LY CRAP. Is this supposed to be a turn on?
From that day on, I ignored and avoided him at all costs. This went on for nearly a year. Then, after more than 18 years of Joel and Repulsor rooming together, Joel did the unforgivable (at least as far as Repulsor was concerned), he met, fell in love and married a lovely woman. And Repulsor held on. Joel’s new wife knew she was marrying into a long-term relationship when she married Joel. Over the nearly two decades that Joel and Repulsor had roomed together, they did have assorted girlfriends on and off, but never anything long term. While Joel is a normal guy, I truly believe that Repulsor would have been happy to continue toward octogenarian bachelorhood with Joel.
After a few newlywed months, eventually Repulsor gave up. He reluctantly searched for a home of his own. Although I’d like to think that I was the happiest person on the planet on the day he moved, I’m pretty sure that the happiness of Joel and his new wife far exceeded mine.
Ahhh….all is good in the bubble. Repulsor is gone. Betty’s happy for her reasons…Joel and wife happy for theirs. But it’s not over, oh no.
For the last 18 months, apparently Repulsor has been shopping the condos available in the Bubble. Not sure if I’ve mentioned exact size before, but we’ve got more than 300 units here. That means, in the last 18 months, no fewer than 50 units have gone on the market. Granted, because this complex was built in the late 70s, there’s a lot of Brady Bunch material out here. But there are also a good number of beautifully updated units that have come and gone in the market.
None of these have interested Repulsor. Until. The unit RIGHT NEXT DOOR to Joel and his new wife became available. Repulsor bought it after less than two days on the market. I approached the seller and asked if they would consider allowing me to pay their mortgage for the next 4 months if they would just consider holding out for a buyer other than Repulsor. Unfortunately, no deal. I would, however, place money that Joel and his wife will put their place on the market in the next few months.
And I go back to playing “dodge the repulsor” when walking the dog…..