Payback’s a bitch. Revenge served cold – 6 year old style.

If you’ve read my rubber snake post, you know the background.  (If not, check this out first.)

Soon after scaring the bejeezus out of my housecleaner, I decided to launch the snake on my six-year old neighbor, Lola. I did ask her mother’s permission, of course.  I may not be fond of children, but I know where to draw the line.  Plus, this kid is cool. You can actually have an interesting conversation with her.

I knew that Lola was a prankster, so I asked her Mom if it would be okay for me to put the snake in their mailbox.  Lola’s newest extension of boundaries allowed her to walk to the mailbox herself to collect their mail. Mom thought the snake was a great idea.

I watched from my window as she skipped to the mailbox, opened it and….immediately grabbed the snake, dancing around with laughter.  Within seconds, my doorbell rang and there was Lola mocking my pathetic attempt to snake her.  I then told her that the snake was hers to pay forward. I explained that revenge was best served cold.  The next day, she sprang it on her father.  She had it waiting in the bathroom for him.  I was disappointed. She just didn’t get it.

Or did she?

This afternoon, a good three months since I snaked her, I stepped out with the wiener dog to collect my mail.  I opened the mailbox to this:

Ben, is that you?

I’ll admit, my initial reaction was fear.  But then I connected the dots.  I could not, however, bring myself to touch it. Its paws just looked so creepy.  I brought the wiener dog back inside. I knew if she was beside me when I pulled it out, she’d come unglued, thinking it was another fun thing to chase like squirrels and chipmunks (the latest Bubble invaders.)

I returned to the mailbox to collect the rat and my mail. As I walked back to the porch that is shared with Lola and her family, there she stood. Bent over with laughter. She knew she got me.  But the rat is now mine. The wheels are turning.  Who will be the next victim?  And what does Lola have in mind for the snake?  I haven’t forgotten that she’s still sitting on it. Two in play.

Would you ever expect evil glee from a cute kid like this?

The Reason Rubber Snakes Exist

Back in the early 90s, I was sent on an extended business trip through Europe. During a stay somewhere in Germany, I came across some sort of chocolate covered insect that I bought and shipped to a friend/colleague back in the US. As I had hoped, they creeped her out (I can’t remember what sort of insect, but it was an intentional selection on my part, I knew it was a particularly disturbing species for her.)

I returned to the office two months later. As I settled back into my office space, I discovered her revenge: a strategically placed rubber snake. This snake bounced between our two offices in various hiding places for the next several months until she left the company. I then decided to initiate the snake into my personal life.

For the past 17 or 18 years, this snake has traveled among a few households of family and friends. After you receive the snake as a victim, the key is to hold onto it for several months until the other participants simply forget its existence, then make your move. There is no particular order for victim selection. The more random, the better.

This snake has popped up in countless “hiding places.” It could be boxed within a victim’s Christmas present, coiled inside a pot in a cabinet and, of course, between sheets. Although between the sheets does create the desired horror, it’s a common location that generally hits the same day you happened to have visited the victim’s home. It’s always good to select a hiding spot like the pot in a cabinet because it could be days or weeks after your visit that the victim makes use of the pot.

I came across the snake in my closet about a week ago. It wasn’t the “plant,” I had found it months earlier but had simply put it away to ponder the next victim and destination. I was leaving the next day for a trip, so I pulled it out of the closet and just hooked it over the railing of my staircase. This way, I’d be reminded to get working on it when I got back from my trip.

The problem is, I forgot that my cleaning people were coming in while I was traveling. As one of them started up the stairs to clean the bedrooms, this is what she saw:

Apparently her biggest fear is snakes. The email she sent me today had me crying with laughter – I’m still crying. After reading today’s Blurt, I fear that revenge is on the horizon for me. If so, I can take it because the housecleaner experience epitomized what rubber snake pranks are all about. I’m only sorry that it happened to an uninitiated, but otherwise the best rubber snake prank. Ever.